Week Overview 03.13-03.18
This past week, I wrote a breakup letter to myself. Sorry, self, we just aren’t working out. When Mercury finally went retrograde, and a day later, the New Moon conjunct Chiron, I’ve been encumbered by the feeling of dislocation. I’ve felt like a stranger in a vessel meant to be my own, meant to be my sanctuary, and to be frank, I’ve never been more betrayed by my own doing. I’ve been reliving, reloving, and revolting my own body. These impacted emotions, some of which contradict and cancel out others, have occupied my week. I felt like I’ve been spilling everywhere, leaving messes in my path, but I have to be honest: I never lived life so honestly. Admitting pain and past mistakes, whether by bliss or trauma, has made honesty easy for me, and that’s the beauty of Pisces: it lets everything out, despite how uncomfortable the process might be. I think this is the way healing works — allowing rushes of emotion into your body and integrating it into memory. Memory hurts for a lot of us, as do intrusive thoughts and compulsive thinking; but avoidance from pain only satisfies short-term needs. For us to mobilize our growth, we have to properly flirt with discomfort. Let me clarify: you don’t have to complete this process overnight; in fact, this will take a pretty long time! Allowing your body the space to do what it wants and to not deny the feeling of pain will be a fantastic first step.
With the most recent New Moon in the sign of Pisces, we’ve been soaking up messages related to communal healing and empathy. We are all suffering, albeit different ways, but we are connected through this universal experience, which is both tragic and euphoric. The Spring Equinox is lingering, which will signify a renewal, but this month in particular will signify the recollection and processing of wounds and previous experiences. Growth is never linear because it involves some type of regression or falling back on to develop a greater and more nuanced perspective. Don’t see this as a shedding or letting go of experience; rather, see it as integration. You can acknowledge the parts of yourself that no longer work while recognizing them as a larger mosaic of who you are. You are never defected but rather making trial and error of what it means to be human.
This week will be birthing heavy confusion and omnipresent waves. On the 13th, Moon entering Gemini will generate a need for knowing solidified uncertainties — in other words, overusing the mind to grasp situations with no concise, logical explanation. It’s a human quality to understand, as it’s how we learn to interact with others and the world. For some of us, having a well explained conclusion to a narrative allows us to move forward, whereas, the omission of a conclusion has us developing our own, pulling for straws that don’t exist or are products of our anxieties. This will be exceptionally heightened when the Moon squares Neptune on the 13th. Such heavy and torturous thinking will dislocate us further, resulting in victim/self-blaming in situations that had no clear suspect. Don’t antagonize yourself. Don’t center your desires around the need to understand; instead, let it be. Evidence will be nuanced, so the question is: is it really evidence? Or just merely interpretations developed by a particular perspective? In a more sensible understanding, things are complicated and meant to have no ending for a reason. Relieve your need to understand.
Moon square Neptune will be paired with a Sun sextile Pluto and square Jupiter, which will have us overcompensating and biting off more than we can chew. The thing is, some of us like to force-swallow despite how much it detriments our health. Learn to say no as the Sun’s angles to Pluto and Jupiter will try to convince you otherwise, whether it’s based in power or the hunger for experience. This is also a slippery period, as Mercury will remain Rx and cause tension with communicative exchanges and empathy. Don’t force your ways of living onto others or position yourself as the role of interpreter for someone else’s story. Learn to accept what isn’t yours while still allowing yourself to show up for someone you love. This is a powerful healing opportunity, a meaning-building session that can only be effective if executed with sensitivity.
The 14th will be the climax of the week as the Sun conjuncts Mercury Rx, thus intensifying the dysfunctions of an already debilitated Mercury. The Moon will also square Mercury before sliding into domicile Cancer. This could be the biggest brute of Mercury Rx, so make sure you’re protected on all fronts and you avoid any long-term commitments. Mercury will sit out and invigorate a more deeply connected awareness. This could also accentuate feelings of hurt or deliver advice in a wrongly suited package. Be clear with your intentions if you intend to intervene, but I suggest practicing observance and absorbing what you visually and emotionally recognize rather than what makes the most sense. Sit with the feeling of perplexity — even if it’s just for five minutes. Mars will also trine Saturn, so get methodical about your recovery. You don’t have to jump into large puddles and hope for improved swimming overnight. Start small and build your way up. To be successful in getting better, we have to mature and stand still in the storm of our own problems rather than running for cover. This will become even more pressing when Mercury squares Jupiter on the 15th and then sextiles Pluto on the 16th. You can fall into two extremes: being completely unaware of how recklessly you’re treating yourself or being overly restrictive by setting nonrealistic “rules” for yourself. We can fall into self-deprecating behavior that’s either consciously or subconsciously used to justify punishment. Our thoughts can also fall into extravagance or compulsivity. Either way, we will be determined and perhaps, even worse, overly consumed with the pursuit of finding evidence. Whatever that evidence may be and whatever you may find, it won’t matter or change the course of the desired situation. Things have already run dry. Now, focus on replenishing yourself.